Dear Wammers:

Gather 'round, kiddies, and Uncle Quikmoose will tell you a story....(F, QS, Grim?, Silly)


by Quikmoose

Illustrations by Yen

(With a nod to Kaol, for his goofy quicksand humor.)

Once upon a time....

        Gorgeous Louenda, with smoky brown eyes; brown curls; and dressed in an electric-blue string bikini which leaves little to the imagination....
        Naughty Norma, with straight blond hair; deep blue eyes; a pert nose and kissable mouth; who dressed in a tight white t-shirt that reveals the swells of her breasts and her bare midriff, and a short white- and blue-striped cheerleader mini-skirt that reveals her long tan legs...
        Sexy Sadie, with raven back-swept hair; deep violet eyes; pouty red lips; dressed in a black body-hugging, low-cut mini-dress; fish-net stockings; and stiletto heels...
        Brawny Bertha, with pulsing muscles; a surprisingly feminine and desirable model's face; two magnificent breasts on her broad chest; and dressed only in a tiny thong bottom, so that every ripple of her muscles plays about her fabulous body in full view.... 


        Tawny Melinda, with fiery red hair; wide green eyes; red lipstick to match her hair; dressed in a bright green, sheer Danskin showing substantial cleavage, with bare legs ending in delicate dancers shoes....


        (...and, since this is the ULTIMATE MALE HETERO QUICKSAND STORY, all five of these beautiful, infinitely desirable women have LONG HAIR!!!)

        ... were all walking along in the jungle one day....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Yen - (munching on popcorn) -  "So, what were they wearing underneath their clothes?"

Editor -  "Wha-a-at?  Dr. Yen!?  What are YOU doing in my story??"

Dr. Yen -  "I was just wondering what they were wearing underneath their clothes.  And you're not the Editor, you know."

Editor -  "What do you mean?  Get out of my story!"

Dr. Yen -  "You are the Author, not the Editor...."

Editor -  "It's MY story!  I can be anything I damn well please.  I wrote it AND I edited it, so therefore I AM the Editor!  Now butt out...."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

        In any event, all five of these incredible examples of the female species, carefully chosen to represent all known kinks of male quicksand fantasies as are currently known and cataloged (if anything is missing, guys, just fill it in for yourself).....

         ... were happily walking together through the jungle....

        ....when, suddenly!


        "Oh my!"

        "Oops, what's this?...."

        "Goodness, my feet...."

        "The's mo-oo-ving...."

        Yes, the terrible, brown, broad, funny-looking spot in the jungle trail had reached up and GRABBED them!

        "I'm sinking in...!"


        "Oh my!"

        "My feet are stuck....I can't lift my shapely legs at all..."

        "My toes feel gooey...!"

        "OhmiGawd!  It's.... It's.....

        "QUICKSAND!!!"  (all screaming at once)

        ("Oh my!")

        Yes, it was QUICKSAND, that bottomless oozing trap!  ... that dangerously slimely coffin of death!....that shockingly wet and sticky, slow and mucky fatal boggy embrace!.... that pulsating, sickening, grasping, bubbling, stinking, enervating, swampy, menacing...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Yen -  "Do you suppose you could speed this up a bit?"

Editor -  "Huh?  Are you back again??"

Dr. Yen -   "Y'know, it's starting to drag a bit.  And you haven't even
mentioned anything about the pedipalps, yet."

Editor -   "Now, look here... This is MY story.  You take your furry,
eight-legged friends and go write your own story!!"

Dr. Yen (sulkily) -  "At least you could put in a little webbing or

Editor -   "Do I have to call Crysanna???!"

Dr. Yen -  "Awww, I was just trying to're no fun..."

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

        "I'm going deeper!"

        "I can't move my curvy body hardly at all..."

        "Somebody, help me first...!"

        "Now look!  We're all trapped in QUICKSAND!  So listen, very caa-re-re-fully to what I say..."

        (muted sobs and groans, eyes wide with fear....)

        "We must all scream like bloody murder, and wiggle and struggle a whole lot (the more erotic, the better!) in order to attract some guy from the WAMFANMAIL list to save us before IT'S TOO LATE!"


        "Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no...OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! Uuu-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H--H-H-H-H--H!!!!"

        But the terror mounts.....

        "It isn't working!  I'm sinking DEEPER!  Oh my!"

        "I just had my hair done!"

        "This branch I grabbed onto won't bear my weight, even though I'm only a size 4 and I'm wearing practically no clothes...."

        "If I keep on jiggiling like this, I'm afraid my breasts will pop out of my tight, tight bra..."

        "We're TRAPPED, flies in a spider's web!!!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Yen -  "Oh, thank you!"

Editor -  "Oh, shut up!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

        Our luscious heroines grow more desperate....

        "Oh, doesn't anyone HEAR us!  HELP!"

        "I'm getting DEEPER!  Help!  QUICKSAND!  We're sinking,  doomed, and helpless in Quicksand!"

        "We'd do ANYTHING for anyone HEROIC enough to save us...!"

        "In our current state of exhaustion and self-pity, anyone could do ANYTHING to us, and we wouldn't hardly notice...."

        And then....

        "Oh, my! Oh.....Glub...."


        "OH NO!!!......"

        (Screams and shouts, suddenly choked off.....)


        And then.....

        ... SILENCE reigned over the verdant jungle and the strange, broad brown level spot in the trail.....


        "Well, was it good for you?"

        "Yes, I enjoyed it a lot.  And you..?"

        "Awwwww, it was ONLY knee-deep."

        "Yes, too bad."

        "Hey, I've got an IDEA!"

        Four sets of drop-dead gorgeous eyes focused on the speaker.

        "Let's go and find....ANOTHER QUICKSAND POOL!!!!!!"

        .... And so our lovely ladies lived very happily (if somewhat muddily) ever after.....

P.S.  They did a lot of skinny-dipping, too.


Copyright by Quikmoose, the Hemingway of Quicksand Story-Tellers