TOP TEN SUBSTITUTES FOR QUICKSAND

10. Chocolate pudding

9. Papier mache'

8. Recently poured cement foundation of large building

7. Split pea soup

6. Melting ice cream (Eskimos only)

5. Lake Erie

4. Brown sugar and cinnamon oatmeal

3. Mud puddles and an active imagination

2. Jell-o -- because there's always room in Jell-o

1. ASFWAM