10. He really hates it when people say, "What's up, Chuck? Upchuck, get it? Upchuck!"

9. He has a collection of Hummel characters in a quicksand diorama in his living room.

8. Loves putting women down -- so to speak.

7. How does Chuck spell relief? Q-U-I-C-K-S-A-N-D.

6. Close, personal friend of Popeye the Sailor Man

5. He never met a Harley he didn't like.

4. Donates all the proceeds from his quicksand videos to the Dan Quayle Foundation for Spoonerisms.

3. Previously known as the Rev. Charles Lang until that embarrassing episode with him and the cheerleaders' Bible study group caught frolicking in the quicksand.

2. If you reorganize the letters in his name, Charles Lang, you get Charnel Gals.

1. Would give up quicksand photography for good in exchange for realizing his one true dream: skydiving nude with Kathy Ireland into a vat of tapioca pudding..